omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
