Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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