Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
