Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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