I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
