You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
