News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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