Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
