Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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