So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
