you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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