I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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