True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
