Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
