he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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