i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
