i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
