Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
