My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
