Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I am one with the molecules
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
