Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
