he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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