I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
