Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
