Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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