I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
