Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
