**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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