ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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