Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
