you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
