Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
