the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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