why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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