after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
