I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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