I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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