Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
