Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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