And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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