Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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