drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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