when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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