She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
