He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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