watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
These tits shall not be calmed
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
