they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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