Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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