if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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