I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
