If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
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his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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