just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
