stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
