We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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