A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
