everyone is single if you try hard enough
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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