You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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