Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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