the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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