I am puke
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
