The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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