Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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