Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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