I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
