You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
