Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
