Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
