Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
