Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
