your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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