I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
