He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We had sex on a dog bed..
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
