I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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