Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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