I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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