My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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