i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
