I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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