So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
