We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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