I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
