I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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