and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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