I cockslap morals
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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